3 Annoyingly Simple Tips to Start Negotiating Better
The catch is they are not as simple as they seem..
Even before my first day in law school, I knew I wanted to become an expert in negotiation and mediation.
Negotiations happen in so many areas of our lives whether in business, close personal relationships, or quick encounters with strangers.
Throughout my life, I have worked as a go-between or trusted voice among friends, family, or professional colleagues, so I relished the opportunity to study these skills in depth. During my time at Harvard, I have taken several negotiation courses and mediated disputes between people from all walks of life in multiple courts in the Boston area. Truly, I’ve enjoyed learning and practicing these skills of solving people problems.
So as I first started learning, I thought to myself “finally I can master the secret sauce and superpowers needed to be the best negotiator ever.” I mean, what other logical explanation could there be for how negotiators come up with such creative ways to resolve really complex problems?
Now imagine how I felt when I realized there were no superpowers involved but rather ordinary ideas that can lead to extraordinary results. I started practicing! Let me share three lessons I learned in the process.
1. Preparation.
It sounds so simple but preparing is crucial.
Take the time to think about and understand what you want. Be ready to clearly articulate your desires and why. Jumping the gun and entering into a negotiation that you have not adequately prepared for can be disastrous, because you are not in the best position to advocate for what you want whereas your counterpart is ready. These actions have consequences that can lead to a lower salary at work, cleaning up after a raucous family game alone instead of having help, or paying too much at the auto mechanic.
Do not assume that the person you are negotiating with is a mind reader, even if you have a great relationship with them.
You must be explicit because no one has time for miscommunication. Being ready to name what you want and why you want it can lead to instant, positive results.
Take the time to consider what the other side wants and reasons why. Have you thought of potential options beforehand that may help address those concerns? Considering the other side’s perspective can help you get them to do what you want them to.
Know the point at which you should probably stop negotiating and walk away. If you were to end the negotiation without a resolution, what are your other options? In negotiation studies lingo, we call that your BATNA or best alternative to a negotiated agreement. You need to have a BATNA any time you negotiate (but we can save this idea for another post sometime).
2. Active Listening.
Some of you are probably thinking “I’m an amazing listener” but guess what? You’ve already started to tune me out. You’re not listening.
Listen to understand. Don’t listen to respond.
Isn’t it amazing that 90 seconds after someone tells you what their name is, you’ve already forgotten it? You were not actually listening for their name, rather you were thinking about how you would respond with your own name or even better how much you hate small talk to begin with.
Either way, you must listen.
Asking clarifying questions helps the speaker know you are engaged and actually following along. Consider this example: midway through a conversation, someone says “I’m hungry.” It really is such a simple statement. But you have to wonder if this is their way of ending the conversation or inviting you to lunch or explaining their grumpy behavior the last 15 minutes? Now if this sort of ambiguousness can happen during a simple conversation, what about during a complex negotiation?
Don’t assume you understand what the other side is saying. Restate what they said for your counterpart to hear and to make sure you are on the same page. You would be surprised at how two sides can interpret differently even the same two words.
Listening during a negotiation can put you in a position to generate better options and a resolution in the end, because you have a clear understanding of what you want and what the other side wants. Consequently, you can now creatively solve the issue, which brings me to the last tip…
3. Brainstorming.
Brainstorming is underrated but it can lead to the creative solution you were looking for!
It can lay the foundation for finding an answer that works for all the parties involved. Give yourself the freedom to brainstorm however you like, even including the most improbable but possible options. From there, you can start to chip away to find something that can really work.
While preparing for a negotiation, you may also brainstorm. A couple of targeted google searches and phone calls with trusted advisers can work wonders!
It is also great to brainstorm during the negotiation, but it depends on who is on the other side and what is at stake. If both of you have the mindset of “let’s make this work,” then you can potentially come up with interesting solutions together.
For instance, in job and salary negotiations, you are probably looking to make more money because let’s face it, more money is nice. Unfortunately you may not be able to receive a higher salary from the company because of budgeting constraints or limited resources. Perhaps, you can negotiate for more paid vacation and sick days, transportation vouchers, discounts on childcare, equity in the company, Starbucks gift cards for when you work in a cafe, etc. Be creative!
The truth is on their face these three things seem so simple but they get so much more complex because people and situations are nuanced and intricate!
Admittedly, there is so much more to the art of negotiation than these three tips. Still, if you do take these steps seriously, you would be surprised at how much progress you can make daily.
